Here's What Not To Do

Oh hello there new look!

I thought I'd share a couple things with you. Just for your edification and for future reference:

1. Do not buy Talenti ice cream and then put the bag it's in next to you on the couch while you write an entire blog post about nothing.
Because it will melt and then you will have to freeze it and it will be all icy and weird.

2. Do not eat all of re-frozen Talenti at once the next day.
Because it will be ok, but not great and your boyfriend will ask when you bought it and you'll think he means that he doesn't want you eating expired stuff and you'll say, "yesterday, relax!" and he'll say, (as you're finishing the last bite) "then where the hell is the rest of it?"

3.  Do not have 6 people sleepover in your one bedroom apartment after a full day/night of drinking beer and eating a bunch of shit including dollar hot dogs at a minor league hockey game.
Because everyone WILL fart and poop and blow the hell out of your bathroom. And then you will come back later the day after and walk down your hall and say "Jesus something smells like shit" and then you will open your apartment door and realize your apartment smells like LITERAL ASS.

4. Do not pass up buying an AMAZING $800 winter coat on sale for $100 on Saks Off Fifth when there is only your size left and only hours left in the sale.

I know. It's glorious.

Because you'll go back 15 minutes later and it will be sold out and you will ABSOLUTELY regret it immediately. And then you'll end up hating everything in the world for a least a half hour.

5. Do not start writing a blog post with 5% battery on your iPad (we have a keyboard and all so it's not as miserable as it sounds but here's the reason we don't have a computer).
Because then you will inevitably only have 2% battery once you get to number five even tho you totally planned to do like 7 or so and you'll have to end the post.

6. Do not check your post on the blogger app after you've scheduled a post and publish.
Because it's dumb, and you'll mess things up and it won't post.