Here's What Not To Do

Oh hello there new look!

I thought I'd share a couple things with you. Just for your edification and for future reference:

1. Do not buy Talenti ice cream and then put the bag it's in next to you on the couch while you write an entire blog post about nothing.
Because it will melt and then you will have to freeze it and it will be all icy and weird.

2. Do not eat all of re-frozen Talenti at once the next day.
Because it will be ok, but not great and your boyfriend will ask when you bought it and you'll think he means that he doesn't want you eating expired stuff and you'll say, "yesterday, relax!" and he'll say, (as you're finishing the last bite) "then where the hell is the rest of it?"

3.  Do not have 6 people sleepover in your one bedroom apartment after a full day/night of drinking beer and eating a bunch of shit including dollar hot dogs at a minor league hockey game.
Because everyone WILL fart and poop and blow the hell out of your bathroom. And then you will come back later the day after and walk down your hall and say "Jesus something smells like shit" and then you will open your apartment door and realize your apartment smells like LITERAL ASS.

4. Do not pass up buying an AMAZING $800 winter coat on sale for $100 on Saks Off Fifth when there is only your size left and only hours left in the sale.
long black winter coat
I know. It's glorious.
Because you'll go back 15 minutes later and it will be sold out and you will ABSOLUTELY regret it immediately. And then you'll end up hating everything in the world for a least a half hour.

5. Do not start writing a blog post with 5% battery on your iPad (we have a keyboard and all so it's not as miserable as it sounds but here's the reason we don't have a computer).
Because then you will inevitably only have 2% battery once you get to number five even tho you totally planned to do like 7 or so and you'll have to end the post.

6. Do not check your post on the blogger app after you've scheduled a post and publish.
Because it's dumb, and you'll mess things up and it won't post.

But I Don't Want To Go To School Tomorrowww

Jesus, I am fucking exhausted.

One of Tom's best friends was visiting from Dallas. And it was the Hartford St. Patty's Day parade so things got more than a little crazy.

I can't wait to tell you the story about the bar we went to Saturday night because it was just absolutely unreal. And by that I mean it was hilariously, ridiculously, fucking dumb. Well I can wait because I'm not going to tell you right now.

I do want to share a little piece of party wisdom with you. I feel I'm being so very informative these days.

Have you ever played Cards Against Humanity? It's glorious. Also difficult to play if you have morals or a conscience. So I'm a big fan. If you are into the sound of that then you HAVE to play. Also it doesn't have to be a drinking game, it's just as fun sober.

What I'm getting at (oh, you have a point?) is that when you're out at a bar sometimes conversation just isn't doing it and you need something that is "oh em gee, so muchhh funnn." And then you're like "Oh ass I forgot to bring a shit ton of cards with me in my wristlet!" and then you're like STOP. Wait a minute fill my cup, put some liqour in it we'll just play ON OUR PHONES. Yes that's real.

Go to sign in, make a game and then text the link to your friends and it's totally not hard and totally fun and hilarious and you won't regret it.

It's free. So don't be a puss about it.

Also Heads Up is a rulll good one too. It's an app. Also free. Also the "Accents and Impressions" category is definitely the best. Or the "Animals Gone Wild" if you have people only acting/sounding like the animal.

So you're welcome.

I'm Basically Posh Spice.

Oh hey..

Yup. This is actally happening. Two days in a row.

I'm gonna try writing a real post today. You tell me how it goes.

I posted on instagram the other day that I'm on poshmark. (It's a site as I just found out since I linked to it.) If you didn't see my instagram post, what the HELL are you doing not following me on instagram? But really, on poshmark, my username is @acosta.

For those of you that don't know what the effing A poshmark is, now's the time! Sieze the day! Carpe the fuck out of that diem! Also I'm gonna tell you about it now so you don't have to go figure out on your own. Although you're all more than capable, I'm sure.

So I may be telling you guys about something that you beeeen doinnn and then you're thinking "wow. really? other people have been blogging this whole time you've been putzing about, you twat" but whatevsss guys just hear me out.

Here's what you do: you download this app and set up your shit and then you take pictures thru the app of all that stuff in your closet that are in the "this is totally going to be cute with the right statement necklace" pile, or the "but what if I neeeeeeed powder blue cargo capris to wear with a top I get?" pieces and then people buy them and YOU GET PAID. It's real.

I've bought things from randos and I've sold things to randos. And it's FANTASTIC. It's also great because it kinda feels like fake money since you get the money in your account and you can just purchase things thru the app with that credit! Or you can cash out and buy things other than clothes or shoes (booze).

So go get the app. Or if you're on it, find me for christ sake. And buy my shit. I'll probably buy yours. And if you're on the app leave a comment with your username and/or find me on the app.

This Post Is ON FLEEK

Wow it's been a while huh?

cough cough A FUCKING YEAR coughcoughcoughcoughhhhhh

Plus my last post didn't count because I really just wanted to get a bunch of screenshots off my phone and put them on pinterest because my phone memory gets eaten up by said screenshots and also saved photos of the MOST photogeneic baby in the world.

spoiler alert: NAHT my baby. Tom's niece. She outrageous cute. On fleek, if you will.

I learned that phrase the other day- "on fleek" apparently it's like the 2015 equivalent on "real fly." I struggle with any new phrase that isn't "That's so fetch"

Hmm. I've been back for a full 4 minutes and I'm already distracted. It's not like you came here to have me stay on topic so it's fine.

Here are three questions you're probably asking yourself:

1. Why am I back? 2. Am I here to stay? 3. Will she try to add the phrase "on fleek" another time before the post is over?

1. I have friends at work (WOOO! #adultlife) and they're incredible and basically told me I need to do this again. Slash (yes I wrote that out) I was trying to convince them they needed to have a blog and then I started talking about this little diddy and got all heart eyes emoji and was like HOLDONADAMNMOMENT I miss that! So I showed up to class today.

2. Welp that's a bit harder to say.. I think so. I mean I want to be. I'll try to be. Broken promises suck worse than sugar free lolipops (HA) so I won't make promises. But I will make an effort. And hopefully you'll stick with me!

3. No I won't because I'm unpredictable.

Also I'm planning on making some changes. I think this little interweb spot of mine could use a fresh face in 2015 and I got a lot of rando shit to talk about per uze.. (I really need to figure out a way to spell the abbreviated version of "usual" if someone could help me out with that, it is SUPER appreciated.)

Stay fleek mofos.