I'm usually pretty easy going and lighthearted on here, but I'm going to be serious for a minute.

This weekend was one of the toughest weekends in a very long time. On Saturday we had to put my grandmother's dog to sleep.

I grew up in the house next door to my grandmother's and my parents still live in that house. My dad isn't the "pet owner" type but my grandmother had dogs through my entire life, and before that too.

Oscar was an incredible dog. He definitely liked his people, and I was lucky enough to be one of those people.

He had prostrate cancer. We found out on Wednesday that it was a terminal diagnosis. We found out Friday that he would have to be put down Saturday. It doesn't leave a lot of time to digest that kind of news.

It's weird, you know? Death is so permanent. It's the most permanent thing I can think of. I can barely comprehend it.

And Lily. Lily is the biggest pain in the ass there is. She makes our lives very difficult. But when we think about not having her around, it's such a terrible thought that it was hard to type it.

Oscar always let Lil play with his red ball. It became her favorite.
He's busy playing with his best friend, my uncle.

It's not something that's fair or easy. It's not even something that makes sense.

If you've been in a similar situation you know how impossible it feels.

It's not like I think about it all the time. I have distractions. I don't live next door to my grandmother anymore.

But driving to her house and driving up that driveway and not seeing that muppet face in the window, and not having him run out to meet me? It was too much. It's still too much.

Thinking about the fact that I won't ever see him again is what gets me. How can I love him that much and not be able to see him again? It still doesn't feel real. I think, because it doesn't feel right.

I disabled comments on this post because I honestly don't think I can have a conversation about it. I guess I needed to just get it out on paper. Well, virtually at least.

It's on here because it's real. And maybe that will help me accept that it's real.

It's outrageous how much you love things sometimes isn't it? But the world needs that kind of love. And I'm a better, happier person for getting to love a pup as incredible as our Oscar. And to have him love me back.

A photo posted by Adriana (@acosta093) on

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