Procrastinating Adult Style

Today I have a pretty face from my side bar guest posting! I introduced you to her before and now she's back again! I'm the first person she's sponsored and I'm so glad she picked me because she's hilarious and it's super easy to promote people I like.

Her name is Jessica and she has a blog called a different kind of plan. She's she's super funny and ridiculous and it's definitely worth a trip to see her. She wrote this post the other day that I was laughing so hard I cried a little.

So here she is!

I have a confession to make.

I am a procrastinator of the worst sorts. Yeah, yeah everybody says they are the "worst procrastinators" and they totally stayed up til 8am throwing back Red Bulls and Adderall to finish that term paper because they were 8000 times cooler than you. 

But that wasn't me. I always had my papers done well in advance because there is nothing that I cherish more than my 12 8 hours of sleep and my nightly Law & Order SVU episode. 

What I procrastinate doing is the super important stuff. The stuff that you really shouldn't procrastinate if you ever plan on maintaining a respectable credit rating or possibly having children one day. 

And while I was reflecting on what a horrible adult I have become, I decided to compile a list of all the super important things I procrastinate doing. I narrowed the list down to 10. From 27.

1. Cleaning my car
OK- not so bad. I'm easing you guys into it. Still, my car looks like a homeless family of 18 is living in there. I have clothes from when I go from work to the gym and am too embarrassed to bring in my Hello Kitty gym bag so I park behind the Shaws and change there, I have various food products strewn across the floor, I have an epic nail polish spill that covers about 34% of the back seat and I am pretty sure I have about $400 in change scattered throughout the car. Yet do I make any effort to clean it? Nahhhh.

2. Laundry
I distinctly remember driving to the TJ Maxx three miles down the road to buy a package of socks because all mine were dirty. I have laundry in the basement of my building. I live on the first floor. There are literally no excuses. 

3. Cleaning out my fridge
Another cleaning one. See a trend? I am convinced I have some rare, genetically undiscovered micro-organism that for the sake of humankind I must protect growing in my fridge in one of the vegetable drawers (that I just recently discovered are called "crispers") that I now never open. Also for some reason, my bottom shelf is always sticky. That is why I only store my edible food on the top drawer and ignore all the crap on the other drawers. I know one day I will be PMSing really badly and just go apeshit on my fridge and clean it all out. One day...

4. Returning library books 
I have never returned a library book on time. I get the e-mail reminders, mark it in my calendar, keep it in my car for me to drop off in one of those easy drop-boxes and yet... I never return them. And then I rack up fees that I never pay so I am forced to either wait until I can pay my $20 library fine with some tomato soup cans or go to another library a couple towns over and repeat the entire process over again. 

5. Dentist visits
Do I even need to explain this one? Dentist visits are the worst.

6. Calling my landlord 
I am scared of my landlord. He's a super nice Indian guy who constantly befuddles me with his awkwardness (is it because he's just awkward? Is it the language barrier? Is it because whenever he comes over I am wearing my Biore pore strips?). Yet whenever something breaks in my apartment (aka every week) or I need to give him his mail, I will put it off. And whenever he calls, I get really nervous and have mild panic attacks. It's not normal. I might need to add this to things I need to discuss with my therapist. 

7. Calling my doctor
Doctors intimidate me. They also never seem to have good news for me. Why would I want to call them back? Ignorance is bliss.

8. Filing my taxes
I hate filing taxes. It takes so long, accountants never think my tax jokes are funny (and I prep all year for them) and I always seem to owe "the man" money. 

9. Paying bills
OK- I do pay my bills. I just pay them on the very last day possible. Like at 11:55pm the night before. I hate seeing what little money I have leave me, especially on stupid things like electricity and heat.

10. Picking up my prescriptions
Rite Aid will literally have to call me 3-5 times before I pick up my meds (see numbers #1-9 as proof for why I desperately need said meds). They really get annoyed with me there and are confused why it takes me two weeks to pick up my meds. Little do they know, I have emergency stockpiles of my meds all over my house from all the other times that month I forgot to take them. It's a fool-proof system.

So there you go, all my (literal) dirty laundry. Trust me, I am just as surprised as you that I have made it this far in life without being evicted and/or having my electricity shut off. Now it's sharing time: What are some things you procrastinate? Are you also irrationally afraid of the dentist? Do you also get lectured by the pharmacists every time you go to your local Rite Aid?


  1. AHAHAHAAH!! jess is hilarious and i love this post! i totally agree with the dentist (i've postponed my appt for a year now!) and i also hate cleaning my car so my husband does it when he can't stand sitting it in anymore.

    Vodka and Soda

  2. I'm horrible about making dentist/doctor appts and picking up prescriptions. Oops.

  3. Oh yikes her car sounds like mine...sans epic nail polish spill. Mine was 2 grande latte's from Starbucks. Now my car forever smells of spoiled milk and sad.

  4. I always procrastinate trips to the post office and giving my dogs baths!

  5. ahh, i'm awful at #7!! i NEED to see a doctor about a few things and i just don't do it. the doctor is a block from my apt, and i have great insurance but still i will not make that call simply because i'm lazy. "i'll call later" "i'll call tomorrow"...ugh

    adriana- i found her the other day when you tweeted the target story, i effing died. her posts are so much fun, she is officially one of my favorite bloggers!

  6. too funny! I love how much I relate to every single item on this list haha